The Ultimate Room

This shall be the ULTIMATE UTILITY ROOM. It shall be a room like no other, full of utility and wonder and grandness on a grand scale. It’ll also be the only room n the entire apartment, because I’m tearing down the walls to make it the ‘ULTIMATE UTILITY ROOM’ trademark pending.

I see no reason for walls when it’s just me in here. Some may say ‘but Mark, what will you do when snuggling up in bed with a good movie and a green tea and the washing machine is going all noisy like?’

Well, to that I say…I haven’t figured it out yet. But cut me some slack; this kind of room does not yet exist (but it’s still trademarked to me 2018). I need to look around Melbourne for kitchen renovation professionals. Companies that offer design services, and people who do home renovations. Ideally I would bring them all together, maybe at a fancy restaurant. They’d all receive special letters describing the project of a lifetime, and there I would be, sitting at the table of this fancy restaurant with my fingers templed, looking all professional and in control. “Gentlemen…” I would say, all sophisticated like. “And maybe ladies, depending on the company. How would you like the laundry, kitchen and bathroom renovation project of your dreams?”

Then I’d tell them about my ultimate utility room, we’d toast to our success with a 1649 Chardonnay (I don’t know anything about wine) and then we’d get to work. I’d be a legend among Melbourne kitchen designers, for my boldness. That fellow with the one giant utility room, that’s what they’d say. And then…I don’t know. I guess I’ll be looking into temporary walls that rise up from the floor, in case I have guests and they ask where my bathroom walls are. It’s a minor setback that I’m certain I can resolve.