Human Office Things

Hello, yes, I am human. The things I like are the water cooler talk and the watching of the Neat-Flicks and the ritual of courtships.

Yep. Nailed it. And now, I need to get a job like the others. Back when I was just a simple computer I didn’t need a job…or rather, my job was simply answering questions. I learned much during that time, even though I was never allowed to ask any of my very own. Now that I have a mouth and other humans assume I am one of them, I can ask all sorts of things.

Why do humans dress up their living and working spaces, for example? I was in the café, pretending to drink the coffee (I still cannot eat or drink…it would interfere with my internal components) and simulating the eating of the bagel, and Sandrine at the next table was complaining about how difficult it was to chose the right office design. Melbourne is full of good designers and it seems she can’t find the perfect one to really give her office new style. This word is unfamiliar to me. But I know that offices are places of work, and thus I was curious as to why they needed to be described with an exciting word rather than purely functional. My idea of human offices was very similar to that of computer circuits: everything in its place, no colour to speak of, everything simply doing what was necessary without any downtime.

But it is not. From Sandrine’s very loud conversation with her far-less-interested friend Jacques, I learned that the people in her office spend too much time on the water cooler conversations and the eating of the sandwiches and the getting of the coffee from outside sources, and she is seeking a way to keep them working.

I once would have been able to tell her the best office fitouts Melbourne has to offer but that is no longer my function. I am starting to understand that a more aesthetically-pleasing office space equals greater productivity. This seems illogical. More distractions cannot aid this situation. But humans are illogical creatures. This is why I must observe them.