We’ve all seen the movies that reveal secrets about the constitution of the United States. We know they’re all hyperbolic, and oftentimes completely fabricated. This isn’t one of those stories. I’m about to drop a bombshell that will shake not only America, but the entire world to its core.
The American constitution was not signed in the United States of America. How do I know? Because I was there. I know what you’re thinking, but hear me out. Yes, it sounds crazy. It’s 2019, how could somebody alive now have been there at the signing of the most important document in history? I’ll tell you how: it happened today.
I was getting some car repairs in Mornington, when I looked across the road, and there I saw them. The Founding Fathers of America. Naturally, I was curious. What were they doing in Australia? Were they time travellers? I ran over and asked them.
They all laughed at me and said that they were not time travellers. I asked what on earth they were doing here. Ben Franklin smiled and said, “Why, our good friend Tom here needed to get some work done on his car by an auto electrician. Mornington seemed like the perfect place. While we waited, we thought we’d just sign this here constitution. It probably won’t be important, but it outlines the basic laws and rights for the American people. You have heard of America, haven’t you? It’s the greatest country in the whole world!”
“Oh, yes,” I said. “I have heard of America. It’s quite famous. I do like it in Australia, though.” We all had a good laugh at that, although I’m not sure if they were laughing with me or at me. I had lunch with them and asked all sorts of questions about the constitution.
Actually, now that I think about it, they might have been actors, because I’m pretty sure America isn’t right next to Antarctica, as they claimed. You know what? Never mind. False alarm. Ignore everything I’ve just said about the constitution.