Window Replacement Provisions

So I met the Window Replacement Wizard. To be honest, he’s a bit of a jerk. He’s got me reading these one thousand requirements for him to work with me, and there’s a lot he’s demanding here. I needed a break, so I asked him to make me some tea, and am using the distraction to write this blog post. If anybody knows another wizard who could switch me back into my original body, that would be amazing.

Just to give you an idea of how insane this guy is, the first provision on his exhaustive list states that I must never consider getting replacement windows from anybody other than the Window Replacement Wizard. He’s controlling, so what? Well, that’s just the first provision, my friends. We’re just getting started. Shall we move onto provision two?

Provision two states that I must add the wizard as a friend on the Play Base Network, where he plays all of his online video games. Provision three states that if I do not own a Play Base 4, I must immediately buy one. Provision four states that if the Window Replacement Wizard ever invites me to an online game and I am also online at the time, I must accept it immediately. Provision Five explains that in the event that I do not own the video game I am invited to, I must immediately buy it as quickly as possible. It’s just nonsensical. Provisions two through to fifteen all dictate rules for playing video games with the wizard.

Normally this contract is for people who need window frame replacement in the Melbourne area, so some of the provisions don’t really work for this proposed business relationship we have here. For example, provision nineteen states that while the wizard is performing the window replacement, heavy metal music must be played loud enough to be heard within a one-kilometre radius. The next four provisions go into more detail about which bands are acceptable and what speakers should be used. It’s all a bit much.

Oh well. Twenty-five provisions down, nine hundred and seventy-five to go.

– Tommy