Topknots The Best

We have have no need of haircuts! Of course we do not need such things. For one thing, we all have unsurpassed skills with the blade, and thus the thought of someone else coming near our head with sharp objects, under the impression that they are helping… laughable.

And then there’s the idea of letting someone near our heads with sharp objects. Enemies are everywhere. No need to give them such a golden opportunity, especially when your arms are entangled in a foolish plastic poncho.

And finally…we all have topknots. Simple, practical, does not get caught and can hide a small bundle of berries for swift snacking. So while I understand that there are hair salons in South Melbourne, and they’re all very nice, we do not require their services.

Or…so I thought. The younger members of the family are at it again, coming home with all manner of wicked, untraditional hairstyles. June even had a bright blue streak put in his hair. How could he do such a thing? How will he steal through the night unseen if a bright blue sash glints upon his scalp? Such foolishness, it is quite vexing.

And then Ken had the audacity to tell me that the youngsters could get up to what they liked in their downtime, so long as they kept up their training. Whatever they liked? The way of the family is not some simple mantle one can take on and off at their leisure! It is a way of life! Hairdressing and hair styling are perfectly alright for the other folks, those outside the family, but I will not abide such ostentatious flaunting for trainees, not on my watch.

Oh, and now my teacher has gone and gotten himself a perm. A PERM. No doubt from some hair salon based in the Melbourne CBD where he blabbed all about our most sacred traditions. The young folk all look up to him as well, so give it a few days…it’ll be a family full of perms.