I’m really ambivalent about haircuts. On the one hand, I do really need them. My hair grows at a rate that you’d describe as frightening, so it’s something I need done a little bit more regularly than most people. Also, going to the hairdresser is just a nice time, especially when you’re getting other things done. Feels relaxing, you know?
But then, in amongst all these perks, there is one major downside: my hair might have magical powers. Like, I just SENSE danger in my hair, like some sort of…sense. Like the sense of a spider, but for a human. And I know there are loads of great hair salons open in Melbourne, but I don’t know if any of them have experience in magic hair. Like, I’m pretty sure I’m unique in that regard, and so the service of ‘Special Magic Hairdressing’ doesn’t yet exist. I dream of a time when my kind are catered for.
So I have to choose between having ling and unruly hair, or having it cut and styles but feeling like I’ve lost one of my senses. Imagine getting a manicure because your nails grow really fast, but you lose your sense of smell. That’s what it’s like, except smell doesn’t really help you sense danger…usually. It’s good for detecting other things, but not danger, specifically.
I’ve even tried a bunch of stuff by myself, like cutting certain parts of it. I’ve tried getting different haircuts, I’ve tried just going with a ponytail every single day, but my hair is wild, like the brambles of Scotland. I think it’s something to do with its magical properties, like…it has a mind of its own. Either that or I need to buy some more expensive conditioner. But that’s just the burden I bear with my hair. One day, there will be hair salons near Melbourne CBD that proudly declare that they specialise in haircuts that retain magical follicle properties. I was just born too soon.